We left Jim’s mom’s condo and and headed on to finish out my vacation camping. It was Jim’s idea and like everything else I said it sounded good to me. I was such a people pleaser and just wanted to do what made others happy.
Jim liked motorcycles. He planned to spend his life riding. I really had only been on one once and didnt care for them one way or another so when Jim said let’s go riding i didnt hesitate. We went for a ride and when he didnt see the stop sign til last minute he locked up the brakes and we went down. I fractured my knee and spent the remainder of my vacation on crutches in pain on a campground. Jim told everyone it was my fault that I got hurt because I wasn’t holding on tight enough. I was sure I was but so as not to argue with him i said he was right.
So my vacation was spent doing day trips in his truck together followed by nights alone while he went out with his family on his bike. It was the first time I had been out of state on a vacation since my husband and I were together over 10 years ago. I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Sure it was difficult doing it with a broken leg but, hey, at least I wasn’t alone.
When my vacation was almost over Jim and I discussed our relationship. We decided to move in together. I decided I wasn’t going to go home to live. I’d go home to get my stuff from my parents’ house and go to my son’s graduation but that was it. I had hoped to go home for a month or so first, get my stuff together, talk to my parents, visit with family before leaving and go to my son’s graduation. When I told Jim that’s what I wanted he told me he would drive there once. Basically, I could go for my son’s graduation and would have to pack it all up and talk to my parents etc all in that one weekend. That wasn’t how I wanted it to go but I didn’t want to upset Jim and it just seemed easier to do things his way. That ended up costing me my relationship with my parents, my son didnt talk to me for a little over 6 months and my daughter was upset at the way i walked away. I couldn’t blame anyone for that. It was a bad decision.
So I moved out of state and in with a guy that I’d only been dating for 3 months. I rationalized that if something were to happen, I may not know anyone but I could make it on my own. I hoped. Besides, nothing was going to happen. We were happy.
Jim wanted an open relationship. Kind of. What he meant by open was that he could see anyone he wanted to and i could see any WOMAN I wanted to. I had told him once I had been with a woman. I never said I wanted to see women or even that I was interested in women. He assumed that. He wanted that, it turned him on. I should have told him the truth but at this point, I didn’t want him to leave. I knew if I didn’t offer exactly what he wanted, we wouldn’t have a relationship. So I agreed to his open relationship, to going on the road on his bike (even though at this point I was scared of it) and to moving a woman in with us. That was another of his suggestions. Why was I so willing to sacrifice what I wanted for a relationship? Why was I so easily manipulated?
Relationship Abuse 